Just when I was finally getting my bearings in my new job, new relationship status, and accepting the new flow of things in the COVID era, I was unexpectedly knocked to my knees again last week.
It started off innocently enough with my work laptop not coming on when I pressed the start button I didn’t think anything of it and went to take my shower and my computer still hasn’t come on so I hit the button again and there is smoke rising from the motherboard the computer never turned on again it was the end of the quarter and the end of our fiscal year. For anyone who works in sales you understand that this is the busiest and most important part of the entire year and I was now without a computer.
I contacted IT and got the runaround because I’m a newer employee and didn’t know the secret shortcuts to getting things done quickly so I went three days without a working computer the most crucial time of my entire selling year in my new role and I was devastated needless to say I did not hit my number and once I finally got my new laptop I discovered that about 50% of my files notes and data has been lost for some reason the back up system hadn’t worked again I was devastated. What was interesting and disappointing about the situation was how devastated I was how devastated I was by something so benign. How could one small laptop reduce me to tears?
It felt like all the sorrow of 2020 that I thought I had left behind suddenly crawling back and trying to pull me down again into a pit of despair. Every day sense has been really tough because I feel like I’m starting all over again. I finally was really in a good groove at work and now I had to re-remember and note all of the tips and tricks and shortcuts again I hate redoing things so for me this was nothing short of shattering.
Once the quarter closed and the year was done I took a moment to reflect and I sat down with my partner and was really puzzled because I couldn’t figure out why this one small event of my computer dying cat felt so devastating and eventually I realized I needed to ask the question that I’ve asked in the past whenever and brought to my knees unexpectedly and repeatedly – what is the lesson?
At the lowest point in my life when I’m driven to my knees, desperate for answers and brought back to that simple question: what is the lesson? I’m convinced that the universe will send us the same test or situation over and over again until we learn the lesson.
And so today after a teary morning full of frustration, I turned off all of my devices stepped away from my new laptop and I asked the question: what is the lesson? I felt compelled to start playing my Christian Pandora station and a song came on immediately that answered my question essentially the lyric said I bring you to the deepest part of the ocean so that you remember to turn your eyes towards me and to trust me and to remember that I am guiding everything.
I hadn’t listened to the station in months and I hadn’t really spent time contemplating God‘s plan for me and in prior prayerful reflection also in months and so perhaps the universe had to send me a little reminder knock me on my butt so to speak so that I would remember to look up and look in word and re-focus on what really matters and who really matters and also remember who’s in control of all of this less I get confused and that my friends is the lesson and I think now I can move forward joyfully again.
From a FIRE (financial independence retire early) perspective I think the lesson is as much as we plan and squirrel away and save and do all of the right things we have to remember that there is a plan bigger than us and there is a power greater than us and at the core we have to respect that power and honor it and remember that much of this is out of our control and one must be centered on the inside in order to continue to prosper on the outside.
Freelennial 