In all of the books and blogs I’ve seen on personal finance and financial freedom, very few tackle the importance of partner selection in one’s wealth-building journey. Many are happy to live life single forever, and that’s cool, but the reality is that most people (85%+) in the world do eventually settle with one partner for an extended period of time via marriage or domestic partnership.
When beginning the journey to financial freedom/wealth generation there are three key audits that must take place:
1. MoneyAudit – Income vs. expenses each month. What is the gap? Grow the gap.
2. Internal Audit – Evaluate your goals at a soul level – what makes you come alive? How can you do more of that?
3. Relationship Audit – Be ruthless about your circle. Remove/avoid people who don’t embody embody the values that are important to you.
All 3 of these steps are vitally important, but this post is going to focus on the third – relationships, as I think this is an aspect of personal finance and financial freedom discussions that is often skimmed over. To be truly free, especially at a younger than standard retirement age, ot is crucial to be ruthless about your circle and remove/avoid people who don’t embody the values that are important to you. This is especially true for women, who often suffer disproportionately from unwise relationship decisions.
I remember watching a reality TV show once about a fundamentalist Christian family with 18+ kids and the father was speaking to one of his daughters about the young man who was courting her. He advised her to carefully evaluate the young man as picking her husband would be “the most important decision of your life.” At that time, I scoffed at such a sentiment judging it as chauvanistic and narrow-minded. A woman, a person, is much more than who they choose to marry! Right? Right?!
Fast forward 10-15 years…while I still disagree that choice of partner is THE most important decision of one’s life, I do now think, after some more years of life experience under my belt, that this is definitely one of the most important decisions you’ll make in your life. Not only the choice of life partner, but all of the key relationship choices that you make.
I’ve seen family members have a partner clean out bank accounts, including liquidating kids’ college funds due to addiction or infidelity. I’ve witnessed prosperous hard workers have their credit and financial stability destroyed during vengeful divorce proceedings. Show me your circle and I’ll show you your life. Show me your life partner and I’ll show you your future.
The bottom line is this: be careful with your heart and who you align yourself with. Of course, no one has a crystal ball and we all make mistakes sometimes and I’m a firm believer that you can always choose again if you accidentally make a poor choice. However, I think many people end up in avoidable financial holes by not taking the choice of partner (and friends) seriously enough. I’m guilty of this myself…luckily or unluckily, I’d seen enough financial disaster wrought by others’ broken relationships that I did know to arrange a prenuptial agreement prior to my own marriage.
If financial freedom is the goal, it is important when dating to evaluate whether or not a potential partner’s values align with your own. Everyone isn’t down with saving 50% of income, living frugally, or even paying bills on time. Before getting serious, ask crucial questions like:
- Do you pay your bills on time or early?
- What would you do if you suddenly recieved $50,000 with no string attached?
- Do you have student loan debt? credit card debt? How much?
- What are your earliest memories about money?
- Do you have a savings account? An emergency fund?
- What are your 5, 10, and 20 year life and money goals?
These questions might seem unromantic, but note that this isn’t an exact script to follow. Instead, think of these as suggestions of the TYPES of things you should consider before linking your life to someone permanently. Also, get a prenup. It isn’t romantic but it is important insurance in case life throws your a curveball. Don’t let a poor partner choice derail your freedom plans.
Freelennial 